Clio's Dream: ...some intense hot Ice Age

An artistic representation of a group of Neandertals. A sub-specie of Homo which co-existed -and

some think more than that- with our own during more or less sixty thousand years

Sex is the Engine of History.

Let's talk about evolution. Yeah ok. This sounds like your mainstream teacher from a mainstream high school bringing up a lecture on evolution just righ before you stop listening. Unfamiliar and unintelligible terms appear one after the other. First, the Homo erectus. Then, Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens. A bit of talk on bipeds here and on opposable thumbs there. And what about whose brain is bigger? Oh dear... tell me no more. I AM that teacher.

But what your mainstream techaer from a mainstream high school will not tell you abou evolution -or be allowed to, perhaps- is that is all fundamentally a matter of sex. Intercourse kept and held for a long long time. Humongous amounts of sex, even better if experimental. How about that? That's different now, see? You introduce sex in the discussion and you start seeing Homo erectus under a different light. Sex is the engine of history.

Another thing we are increasingly certain of regarding evolution is that it relies on interbreeding. Evolution dislikes pure breeds. No, our friend Eve is more into mudbloods. No wonder why Harry Potter or Hermione Granger are the good guys of the story while Draco Malfoy and his pals -all of them pure-bloods- are the villains... Year, dear friends, evolution dances to the beat of the mixed races before going to bed together after so much partying. And from those acorns grew tall oaks.

A Sad Boring Story

Let me remind you what Prehistory used to be taught like in high school. Yeah, yeah, the kind of history you were taught, in certain cases by me... But I understand. You erased it all from your minds as soon as you could -about ten minutes after your exam. No wonder why, it is a sad and boring history. History that could be compared to a play with several characters, like a sort of rpimitive Hamlet where everyone dies at the end. Please, let me show you in a professional way.

PALEOHAMLET

A Play in Three Acts for six Characters.

Dramatis Personae. Cast of Characters>

Mr and Mrs Erectus. A dim-witted couple whose major accomplishment was learning how to walk upright, but probably incapable of finding their bottoms with their hands with the aid of a map. Their tools are simple and they have learnt to use fire, but only because the alien monolith that taught them went the extra mile.
Mr and Mrs Neanderthal. A very nice couple from afar, like the other side of the road. Very hairy, Vin-Diesel-built without the need for working out. They can find their bottoms with both hands, as long as they hold a map on one of them. Oops.
Mr and Mrs Sapiens. A very good-looking and elegant couple, from a very good family and both very clever. They lack any hair except a bit on the top and some on their lower areas. The prehistoric 'Brangelina'.

Plot. Mr and Mrs Erectus are at home in Africa. It starts getting hot and water is scarce, so they decide to go on a walk around Asia and Europe. On the way they get bored, and since they don't have TVs, they start having children. They keep pon having children, but some of them turn out weird. In Africa, they give birth to Mr and Mrs Sapiens, who go with them to Asia. Europe is a bit colder, so there they give birth to Mr and Mrs NEanderthal, who came a bit hairier by default.

Soon enough, the three families start arguing that there is not enough food on the whole wide world for all of them. Contrary to what you've been told, children, size DOES matter and in this case the one with the biggest brainpan wins. Mr and Mrs Sapiens kill Mr and Mrs Erectus, apparently through headbutting. The they kill Mr and Mrs Neanderthal and inherit the world, of which they take ownership as the only intelligent species until the end of times.

Do you not find this story a bit upsetting? First of all, the size issue is worrying, at least to me. Secondly, what this story is telling you is that the only possible outcome of two intelligent species co-existing in the same planet is war. It looks like a mechanic inevitability that tolerates neither dialogue nor co-operation. This story also shows that the forst one of a very long list of species extinct because of humans was that of another human.

Rigor, dedication and honesty are requirements for a good anthropologist.

Their discoveries are revolutionizing our knowledge on our origins.

The Great Orgy.

The story I just told you needs to change completely. New discoveries from the past couple of years are distancing us from that history of violent competition. Instead of a Shakesperean play, we are talking of an erotic one. Experimental too, with a lot of leather, weirdly shaped objects, cauliflowers and mathematically challenging mingling scenarios. Cauliflowers, yes. What? Everyones likes different things.

Firstly, we need the charachters of the story. The same old couples from earlier will do fine. We will also add a new one: Mr and Mrs Denisvo. We do not have the slightest idea of what they are like, as the only thing we have from Mr and Mrs Denisvo today is some DNA sequence from two molars and some little finger found in Siberia. Therefore, they will play the rol of sexy couple in masks.

The setting will be the Near East -Middle East for those fo you reading from the american colonies. This area is sometimes called the Fertile Crescent, but for our play we will call it the Big Round Bed. Like those neds with canopies, filmy drapery, vivid colours and loud, garish cushioons. Very loud cushions, you'll see.

Mr and Mrs Erectus have left their home in Africa to go on a walk because the weather has turned bad -it is the Last Glacial Maximum. They are enjoying the landscapes and snogging about as they try to find each other's bottoms with as many hands as possible, when sexy masked Mr and Mrs Denisov enter the scene. Mr Erectus likes Mrs DEnisov, and she likes him back. Mrs Erectus and Mr Denisov fancy each other as well. Brain sizes do not matters as they all work to the same level here.

Mr and Mrs NEanderthal join the party, which is getting more complex. We know they were in Europe but have no idea how they got there or to the party. Anyway, needless to say Mr and Mrs Sapiens are attracted by the heat and noise of the most spectacular, racially mixed, and inter-special orgy in cinema history, and join. The Great Orgy, All rights reserved.

Surprisinigly -or unsurprisingly- the ladies give birth to cute babies, whose genes shout out loud that they are the result from the union of different families. A question areises. Were Neanderthals, Sapiens and Erectus not different species? How is it then possible they could procreate with each other? And who are these children from the Great Orgy?

The Last Glacial Maximum is beginning to look like one of the hottests

periods in the history of the human being. What did you expect?

This is a blog for underaged students!

Children of the Orgy.

The picture provided by the new information and discoveries is much different to that told by traditional History. This new version turns the last ICe Age and proximities into an extended version of the 1960s and free love. A very hot Ice Age. I like to call it 'Theory of the Great Orgy', but the 'Big Bang' also suits well. Yes, dear readers, there was something going on here. Contact. Enjoyment. The four species mentioned above -Sapiens, Neanderthals, Denisovans, Erectus- crossbred repeatedly. we know now when and for how long. What we harmessly call the hybrid zone but we should call the Big Round Bed instead is what we think the Near East -again, Middle East for you americans- used to be. We also think that all this fun lasted for some 10k years, at least.

A 'Great Orgy' of foursome -maybe more, we don't know enough yet- that lasted for ten thousand years is the probably origin of current humankind. For example, we Europeans -wherever we ended up after we went on a colonisation spree- have up to a 5% of Neanderthal in our genes. Modern Asian people have a mix of Denisovan genome -around 0,2% -while Polynesians' genes are made up to 5% or 6% of Denisovan DNA. And before someone comes in with a very obvious reply, let me say that we all belong to the same species. Although we are not very sure about what species that is yet, it is clear that it is us. All is well that ends well, especially if it is with me writing this and you reading it.

By the way, these new theories dismiss the thesis statement of Creationism as it currently stands. We were not sculpted and baked in an oven just once. We are made of improvised pieces that we have been adding along the way during a very long process which now seems to be much funnier and more complicated than we though. And much more more interesting, of course. Maybe a more appropriate name for our species would be Homo frankesteiensis. Man and Woman of Frankenstein. But, just in case, I call you all children of the Great Orgy, grow and spread. And the more exotic your chosen partner, the better for the future of the species. And the more fun for you.